Red Waters and Blue Wine Hi Teresa, My name is Wes. I have decided that introducing myself to you is the only proper thing to do, considering that we are going to be married someday. Call me old- fashioned. Actually, truth be told, This is a letter of complaint. (I see your mouse tickling the Delete button, just hear me out.) I'm guessing that you get your fair share of complaint letters on a daily basis, so I will try not to complain about the usual things. For example, I won't say anything about how you're not living up to your obligation as a role model for the Jewish community.(Actually, I'm not Jewish, and I really don't know that much about the religion, so as far as I know you could be teaching Rabbis a thing or two about life, love and the best way to stain a desk.) I will also refrain from complaining about the grammar and sentence structure of your columns. But now that you mention it, I just read your article "The Grammar Police"... "My mother and I"? Twice in the same article!?! My Goodness, Teresa, you're like a barbarian with the grammar. Are you TRYING to take civilization back to the stone age? Anyways, my complaint is this... What right do you have giving us dating advice? To attempt to enlighten the abandoned, estranged and unloved, you must first have once BEEN abandoned, estranged or unloved, and I find it nearly impossible to believe you could ever fit into any of those categories. That's right, the jig is up (note to self: find out what a jig is) and I am here to unmask this little charade of yours! What proof do I have you ask? Let's just look at the facts shall we? Fact #1: You have an incredible sense of humor. If you had no other attributes, this one alone puts you up near the top of the dating food chain. After all humor is the key to the heart. (By the way, don't repeat that to anyone, I think it's supposed to be one of those ancient esoteric secret thingys.) Fact #2: You are an amazingly intelligent, aware and insightful person. What does that have to do with the dating scene you ask? Hmm... You're right, let's move on. Fact #3: You are successful, motivated and self-sufficient. True, some men may find this intimidating, but these men just don't understand the joy and sense of fulfillment that comes from having a sugar momma. Fact #4:Beautiful people are not lonely! And let's face it Teresa, you wouldn't be the host of a television show if you weren't one sweet piece of eye candy. Now that all of the facts are in I believe that I have effectively exposed you as the charlatan that you are. It's obvious to me, and to the thousands of men who's hearts you have enslaved across this great land of ours, that you are too witty, too smart, too talented and definitely far too beautiful to continue reporting to us your tales of dating woe. We expect your resignation by morning. Sincerely, Your future husband Wes Home Syndicated Column News Archive Good Day New York While You Were Out Lovers Lounge Fashion Police Photo Gallery Video Gallery Mailing List Books and Music Resume