Put Me On The List... Please ;) Hi Teresa, You know, it's like 2:42 am - which still officially qualifies as Saturday Night - and I feel compelled to write you, Teresa, because I feel there are some things I need to say. Some make me happy, some make me sad, and some are just plain awkward. (By the way, I would have written "type" instead of "say" but I really hate it when people do that. Plus, I'm talking to myself as I write this, so technically it's correct.) Anyway, the rumors are true, I *am* doing laundry. It seems my hockey-jersey-to-undershirt-ratio last week was incorrect, and now I'm paying the price. Fortunately, it's a small price to pay for April Freshness. Meanwhile, I've been watching your show with increasing regularity (not the poop kind) and I see how you interact with the homeowners/designers/crew and it just seems like you're horribly horribly lonely, or frustrated, or perhaps very bored, I don't know. Now I'm not saying that's a bad thing, and if you would un-squinch your eyebrows for a moment, I can explain. People I meet usually make make TV or movie references when they're trying to be funny or break the ice, etc. Someone borrows a line from Carrie Bradshaw, everybody gets it, and then everybody laughs. You, on the other hand, make references to books or plays or (gasp) Don Henley and *nobody* laughs. Don't deny this because it's true. I see your pain, and I can't help but think that as soon as the cameras are off, you open your arms and shrug a very loud "DOESN'T ANYBODY READ? GIFT OF THE MAGI, PEOPLE, SEVENTH GRADE!" Really, you make jokes that are completely above the room, and seems like you leave feeling very misunderstood and underappreciated. Is that true? I hope it isn't, because you seem like you're a very sweet person, and I'm sure that Leslie and Andrew make pretty good drinking buddies. I'm also guessing that you three ditch the designers as soon as possible. On a completely different topic (I have to string a few completely different topics together, so please bear with me) I've also read some of your stuff and it seems like you absolutely *love* to write. Maybe the part you love is your command over the English language, or when you make up a new word and it manages to get by your Editor, I don't know. Whatever it is, please keep doing it. Your writing makes me happy, and I thought you might want to know that. By the way, The Dixie Chicks go all-too well with Frozen Yogurt. Use sparingly and never in the presence of any man you'd like to keep around. I don't really know how to approach this last topic, so I guess bluntly will have to do: I can see through most of the shirts you wear on While You Were Out. I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you (and there are now probably millions of viewers of which I've made instant enemies) but I thought you should know. Maybe it's my TV, maybe it's the harsh lighting, but you might consider wearing more sweatshirts. Layering, perhaps? Ooooo or maybe a hockey jersey! I know, you'd prefer a Lakers jersey, but I have a Clerks hockey jersey you'd look super in. Anyway, that's it. I'm cleaning the lint screen and going to bed. Please consider what I've told you, and should you choose to write back, please do so at: Your pal, Craig PS: I once asked *my* doctor out. Don't wuss out next time. Home Syndicated Column News Archive Good Day New York While You Were Out Lovers Lounge Fashion Police Photo Gallery Video Gallery Mailing List Books and Music Resume