The Anti-Martha Hey there Teresa, I recently read an article in the Contra Costa Times entitled, "Who'll succeed Queen Martha," which listed the heirs apparant to the how-to/domestic/cooking show throne. I was shocked (SHOCKED!) that the author had the cajones to omit you from said list. My first reaction naturally was one of outrage at this hack writer's unwillingness to recognize the brilliant and beautiful Teresa Strasser's rightful place as Supreme Deity of How-To Shows. BTW, am I not the best suck-up? Needless to say, I was prepared to send profanity-laced e-mails to my old friends at the TImes (where I used to work as a stringer covering Little League baseball...go ahead and laugh. Everyone does.) I was even contemplating TPing the office of the Home and Garden editor. But I counted to ten to calm down and it dawned on me that it was actually a compliment that you didn't make the list. Martha sucks! And you are actually the Anti-Martha. To wit: Teresa: Hot Martha: Not Teresa: JAP Martha: WASP Teresa: Sense of humor Martha: Sense of world domination Teresa: Abercrombie Martha: K-Mart Teresa: Not indicted on insider trading charges. Looks great in denim. Martha: Soon to be serving 5 to 10. In prison-issue denim. Teresa: Admitted to bed-wetting and awkward conversations with her doctor about her bowel movements. That's so down to earth and endearing. Martha: Has probably never had a bowel movement. That's so scary. Teresa: Likes Eminem Martha: Thinks Eminem is the singular form of a popular candy. Teresa: Probably has enough of a life to have never made a Thanksgiving centerpiece made entirely of papier mache and chocolate. Martha: Obsesses about it. Teresa: Might think this e-mail is amusing. Martha: Might have me killed if she reads it. Keep up the good work...your articles rock. Rob Home Syndicated Column News Archive Good Day New York While You Were Out Lovers Lounge Fashion Police Photo Gallery Video Gallery Mailing List Books and Music Resume