Will Teresa Strasser be my fag hag? This piece originally appeared in, "The Southern Voice" The affair started innocently enough. Not having watched much TV in the past 10 years or so, my boyfriend and I recently bought a TiVo. You know, one of those handy hard drives that sit on top of your TV and records programs that it thinks you might like so they are waiting for you when you get home. So cutting edge is the TiVo, when asked if there was anything she couldn't live without, Sarah Jessica Parker said only two words, which, by the way, weren't: "My husband." Nope, the one thing she couldn't live without? "My TiVo." And, let's face it, if it's good enough for Carrie Bradshaw, there's really nothing left say. Sooooold! However... caveat emptor! Few acquisitions are as life-rocking as adding a TiVo to your already overstuffed entertainment armoire. As such, I'd like to issue few warnings to issue before you pick up your ole TiVo. TiVo does NOT save you time as the informative video on its Web site subtly suggests. Oh no no no! You will discover all manner of television programming to entice you away from the simple life you previously knew and took for granted. >From the wistful remembrances of my maternal grandmother via her favorite show, "Murder She Wrote," to an 80's Agatha Christie movie starring Faye Dunaway (before her teeth went all black and weird looking) to movies you would never have wasted your time watching in the theater or renting on video -- it's all there. Put down that after-work cocktail and numb out with your new drug dealer, Tivo. Suddenly, captured for free by TiVo, even a lame movie called "Joy Ride" starring the other guy from "The Fast and The Furious," commands two hours of sofa time. Believe me, it's a slippery slope from an occasional first-run episode of "Friends" to an "Anna Nicole Smith Show" marathon, or a classic "Golden Girls" episode here and there to a four-episode-a-day addiction to "Cybil." TiVo may look quiet and docile with its blinking red light beaming from its otherwise blank facade, but don't be fooled. TiVo plays hardball. (It will also record "Hardball" for you, too -- every episode without repeats!) Thinking about a romantic dinner with the honey? Don't check the TiVo beforehand. Because TiVo can only hold so many hours of programming, you'll find that your TiVo's hard drive quickly fills up. Therefore, you have to watch more of the shows it records just to keep up with its voracious appetite for bad television. Dinner? Who has time? Hmmm, maybe we'd better clear out the week's worth of "Will & Grace" repeats before they get deleted and are gone from our lives forever -- or at least until they rerun them yet again. I confess, like an attention-starved boyfriend or Stuart on "MAD TV" saying "Look what I can do," keeping up with TiVo's demands can be labor intensive. Lately I've been getting worried that my boyfriend will notice my frequent and furtive watching of The Learning Channel shows that TiVo snags for me at all hours of the day and night. After a brief but hearty flirtation with "T rading Spaces," I'm now spending nights and weekends with it's cuter cousin with the better personality: "While You Were Out." "While You Were Out" is superior to "Trading Spaces" in almost every way. Since there's only one renovation executed each episode, there's more focus, less schizophrenic room switching, and of course, the main draw: Teresa Strasser, the show's perky, smart, and don't-you-want-her-as-a-gal-pal host. Teresa's a funny lady, a hard worker AND an Emmy winner for her writing on "Win Ben Stein's Money." She's a sistah if I evah saw one with that cute little barrette she uses to hold back the hair from the right side of her face during those hard-to-complete jobs that require lots of bending. Like making planters out of abandoned car tires, for instance. On her personal Web site, www.teresastrasser.com, she often laments her busy, but unfulfilling love life. The girl can date, lemmetellya, and I think the show is the best personal ad. But as she mentions in her latest posting, when you're on the road 20 days a month, it's kind of hard to meet people. G-d giveth.... Teresa, schweetie, this is a no-brainer. Why don't you just hook up with Andrew Dan-Jumbo, the show's hunky carpenter? I swear there is chemistry amongst the sawdust, plus he has a great accent and you already know he's good with his hands. While co-worker romances are generally frowned upon, consider some advice from my mother: "You'd better get it while the getting's good!" I guess since my boyfriend and I are basically having a three way relationship with TiVo, it doesn't really count as an affair. We play with TiVo together, then when TiVo grabs a special show for him, they have a night together, and of course, Tivo and I share our stolen moments with "While You Were Out" when my boyfriend's ... err ... well, out. Plus, in Teresa, I've gotten a virtual girlfriend out of my relationship with TiVo. No matter TiVo's bad qualities, it's a relationship that's going to last for life... or at least as long as the lifetime service we paid for lasts. Teresa, when "While You Were Out" comes to Atlanta, be sure to look me up. Seriously, we'll have fun. We can talk about self-help books, writing, and I'll introduce you to some really nice guys who won't stare at your breasts over dinner. Back to the "While You Were Out" homepage. 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