While You Were Out's, Teresa Strasser "Queen Of All Media" by Brian Dempsey - bad513@netzero.net This piece originally appeared in Citi-Music Magazine I was sitting in my crappy Lakewood condo one day watching decorating shows on TLC. NoŠ I'm not gay. I've just always liked home improvement shows. Maybe it's because my home needs so much improvement... Anyway, a show called WhileYou Were Out comes on. It's this neat thing where they send a spouse or significant other away on a fishing trip or the like and then redecorate a room in their house as a surprise while they were out. Hence the show's name. Teresa Strasser, the show's host, was not your typical Bob Vila in drag. She was beautiful, had this sort of cool nature and was funny as hell. Someone on the show remarked that it was a nice day and her reply was "any day you're not being fed intravenously, it's a nice day". That was it for me. I was in love! Being your typical red-blooded male with a computer, I flew to the web to look this person up. A Yahoo search turned up a website called www.teresastrasser.com. It's heading is "All the pain and suffering that's fit to print". Turns out, Teresa is a true gem!! She has hosted many TV shows such as Lover's Lounge and Bar Games on The Gameshow Network plus Homestyles on PBS. She also wrote for the award winning Win Ben Stein's Money and for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. She's an actress both in movies and in theater, a syndicated columnist with the JTA Wire Service plus a contributing writer for The San Francisco Chronicle, The LA Times and US Magazine among many others. There's not much this girl doesn't do. But the thing that blew me away were her articles. They are mostly about how her love life sucks and how bad her car is and all kinds of sad subjects that are written with such humor and honesty, it both makes you laugh your ass off and relate at the same time. An excerpt from her article "Car Shame" goes like this... "I was driving toward the valet parking kiosk of a fancy-pants department store in Beverly Hills. As I approached, I saw clusters of press and well-dressed young women gathered to attend a charity brunch. A Mercedes was coming to a slow stop. I don't know what made me do it; I took a sharp left, veering away from the valet kiosk and into an adjacent public lot. In an instant, I saw how I must look with Big Blue, my electric-hued 1995 Ford Taurus. We had just taken a trip to the desert together, and only one of us had bothered to shower. The windows were grimy. Newspapers and books-on- tape cluttered the passenger seat. Gum wrappers filled the ashtray. The trouble wasn't purely cosmetic. You can't wash a Taurus into an Audi. You can't squeegee away the middle class vibe. What option did I have? I could practice Buddhist non-attachment and the loving self-acceptance preached to me by my groovy, leftist, Joan Baez-humming parents or I could practice swerving away from the valet line without hurting anyone. What happened to me? I'll tell you. It was a sudden, violent attack of Car Shame". Being the proud owner of a beautiful Kia Sephia, I can relate!! Her take on life on the road is even funnier... "I walk into each new hotel room, look at it suspiciously, shake it's clammy hand, put my suitcase down gingerly. I unpack my makeup, put my mascara and lipsticks in a water glass, hang up my coat. I see what cable channels I have, check out the room service menu for any items that aren't medically contraindicated. I wait for the crashing sound of the ice machine, which is inevitably next to my room, to shatter any sense of peace I can muster in the presence of an orange bed spread that's about as sanitary as the crumpled Kleenex of a tuberculosis patient. Such is my routine, one I've developed being on the road 20 days a month for almost eight months now. I like to say it's like being a rock star, without all the bothersome cash and chicks". Great stuff!! Her self-abasing humor is extremely endearing and her quick, off the wall wit is priceless. Hopefully a book will followŠ. I caught up with Teresa during one of her rare moments off the road. Here's what transpired. Enjoy!!!!! BD: I guess the first thing I have to ask would be... if you went away for a few days and returned to find your friends had turned your living room into a Turkish Spa, would you be pissed? TS: No ­ just wet. BD: SeriouslyŠ..what percentage of recipients on the show are happy with their new abodes? TS: I would say almost all of them. The ones who hate it usually have the good taste to hide their true feelings until the cameras are off and so are we. BD: Has anyone gotten really mad about it? TS: Yes. On a show that will air next month, a guy got really angry that we turned his back deck into a Caribbean Beach Party theme. I can't describe it, but I suggest tuning in for that one. BD: How hard is it being on the road so much? Do you enjoy traveling? TS: It's pretty grueling and lonely. At first, it was glamorous and even thrilling, but after 200 days on the road, I'm a bit weary. BD: During your travels on WYWO, what's the nicest place you've ever been to? TS: Oddly enough, I loved Salt Lake City. It's easy to get around, nice to look at and filled with fantastically kind people. Portland was great, too. BD: What about the worst? TS: I can't say I loved Irving, Texas, but I threw out a rib planting a tree in some bad soil, so that may have colored my opinion. BD: I love your website, www.teresastrasser.com (send check to Š.) You bill it as "all the misery that's fit to print" I don't believe for one second that your personal life is so rough! C'monŠ.that's your shtick, right? TS: I'm not a fiction writer. It's all true. However, I do tend to sit down and write when I'm feeling highly emotional, so my work usually documents the bad times more than the good. BD: How can such a beautiful, witty, sweet and talented girl have trouble finding a decent guy? (again, send check to...) TS: That's a good question, one I'm sure my parents are also asking. I have no idea. I think finding a mate, like finding a job, is a little about luck. BD: BTWŠ I know a poor, slightly overweight rock journalist/ musician/ photographer who's not dating anyone and completely adores youŠ.. Interested???? TS: You're very kind. BD: Would you ever move to Cleveland? Would you ever VISIT Cleveland? It's a great place if you like lousy weather and even lousier baseball!!!! TS: Your basketball team will be very exciting next season with that great rookie. I'm jealous. BD: So, I read that you once tried stand-up comedy. How was that? Is it as hard as it looks? TS: It takes a lot of practice and time. I like to fail horribly at things and then run away. This is probably not one of the seven habits of highly effective people. BD: We recently did an interview with Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling from The Howard Stern Show. Funny or disgusting? What about Howard himself? Do you listen to him? TS: I love that show. I don't always like what he says, but I respect his honesty and I enjoy the interaction of his whole crew. I've been listening since I was 18, going to NYU. BD: You also wrote for the award winning "Win Ben Stein's Money" on Comedy Central. What's Ben like? Is he really that damn smart? Are you guys still in touch? TS: Ben Stein is exactly how he appears on television. I didn't know him very well, because the writers on that show wrote trivia questions that he had to answer, so we weren't allowed to interact much during the season. BD: Speaking of that show, did you like working with Jimmy Kimmel as Ben's Co-host? Do you watch his new ABC show? Would you go on there as a guest? TS: I'd love to ­ but I'm not famous enough. I think Kimmel is incredibly fast and funny. BD: Of all the things you've done, (stand up, comedy writing, acting, theater, hosting), which one turns you on the most? What would be your ideal gig? TS: I think I'd like my career to always be a sampler platter - a little of everything. Writing, though, is probably what comes the easiest to me. Performing scares the crap out of me, so it seems important to keep doing it - especially live stuff. BD: Where do you see yourself in 5 years, or should I sayŠ.where do you want to be and what do you want to be doing in five years? TS: I'd like to be Andy Rooney. It's a strange goal, but a goal nonetheless. I think those ladies on "The View" could use my commentary for two minutes a week. BD: Have you ever thought about a sitcom or hosting your own talk show? I hear Letterman is getting "tired"Š TS: Yes - not to mention shingles. There aren't many (any) women in late night. I'd love that. A talk show? I like you. You have big plans for me. I, on the other hand, never dream very big for myself - but life surprises me. BD: Speaking ofŠdid you catch the night Katie Couric hosted the Tonight Show? If so, what did you think? I heard she doubled Leno's ratings that night. TS: Missed it - sorry BD: I was reading your article "Car Shame" from The Strasser Times. It made me laugh. Is California really that shallow? Is it really who you know, what you look like and what you drive? Still have the electric blue Taurus? If so, let me go on record as saying they're damn fine cars!! TS: I still have the Taurus. In fact, if you happened to be driving up the 15 to Vegas last weekend, that jackass on the side of the road over-heating was me. BD: Well, I'm out of questions for now so I'll ask you my obligatoryŠIs there anything you'd like to say to your fans and to the readers of Citi-Music (all five of them)Š TS: Your questions were very thorough. On the other hand, my responses were vague and unsatisfying. Still, I want you to know I did my best and I'm grateful for your interest. Thank you. Back to the "While You Were Out" homepage. Home Syndicated Column E-Mail of the Week News Archive Good Day New York Lovers Lounge Fashion Police Photo Gallery Video Gallery Mailing List Books and Music Resume