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Charlize Theron
Rosborough: The last time my breasts were that perky, I was 6 months old.
Lisa G.: Could melt gold, she's so hot!
Strasser: Don't know about the tuck, but I can see the nip.
Benson: Isn't she the actress who stars in the movie in my head? |
Drew Barrymore
Rosborough: "I got this off Rosanne's couch."
Lisa G.: "Hey, Fashion Police, don't mess with me!"
Strasser: One Drew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. |
Gwyneth Paltrow
Rosborough: When I can't think of one sarcastic thing to say, you know she looks great.
Proops: Ms. Paltrow is always refined and elegant - clearly she doesn't live in Hollywood.
Lisa G.: Press her belly, watch her hair grow!
Strasser: I remember when I wore a size 2, I was 2.
Benson: Shakespeare's not the only one who's in love!
Weinhold: Shakespeare may be in love, but I just want to get her on my waterbed. |
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Celine Dion
Rosborough: Celine does her Linda Blair impression.
Brown: "Ooh-la-la, when I turn completely backward I can see my butt!"
Strasser: "That bitch Jennifer Lopez told me it was Wear Your Clothes Backward day."
Farr: Maybe Celine should have gone into retirement one outfit earlier
Benson: Someonw must have warned her to watch her back.
Weinhold: My dentist has a bit of an attitude. |
Sandra Bullock
Proops: The girl next door goes Addams Family.
Lisa G.: Elvira's baby sister.
Hooper: Sandra's dress matches her mood.
Johnson: She looks like she needs another 28 days.
Strasser: She also wore this at the funeral of Speed 2.
Weinhold: Cheer up. At least you graduated. |
Kathie Lee Gifford
Sims: You should have taken your sunglasses off when you checked yourself in the mirror.
Hooper: Kathie Lee wears her "incognito glasses" so she can secretly follow Frank.
Strasser: Press her belly, watch her hair grow!
Strasser: "In 3-D that video of Frank cheating on me is even more vivid."
McDonald: This is what happens when you have 4-year-olds make your clothes. |
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Jennifer Lopez & Sean "Puffy" Combs
Rosborough: He's disappointed in Jeniffer's dress: no place to hide the gun.
Unger: You can see the gun in his pocket.
Strasser: Know what Puffy's whispering? "Clasp dismissed." |
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Bobby Brown & Whitney Houston
Brown: Bobby Brown wearing the world's most high-maintenance backpack.
Gray: He's finally carrying her.
Strasser: "My lawyer says I don't have a leg to stand on. Can I use yours?" |
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Louis Farakhan
Kilborn: Dashiki by Tommy Hilfiger.
Brown: "It was a good fight, but I proved in the seventh round who the real champ is."
Proops: Stick to the suits, Minister Farakhan.
Strasser: It's amazing what you can find in the Million Man March lost-and-found.
Weinhold: Another brilliant impression from Joe Piscopo. |
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The Dalai Lama
Rosborough: I like my spiritual leaders to match my drapes.
Johnson: I'm told that in tablecloths he's a 42 long.
Unger: Pashmina is so last year.
Strasser: I can't believe it's not Buddha!
Weinhold: I don't think that's what they mean by "the red carpet treatment." |
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The Pope
Rosborough: The only guy besides Elvis who can wear a cape and not look gay.
Proops: No one wields a scepter like the Big P.
Johnson: He buys all his clothes at J. Crucifix.
Strasser: This one can only move diagonally. |
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Boris Yeltsin
Rosborough: "Come and get it, Comradettes!"
Daria: His most important contribution? Restoring dignity to the Kremlin.
Unger: Absolut Speedo.
Strasser: He puts the "cow" in Moscow.
Weinhold: "Thank you, Jenny Craig!" |
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Prince Charles
Rosborough: The Prince scores a bad batch of Rogaine.
Daria: "See Mummy? These Native American chaps think I can be king!"
Lisa G.: "These headdresses make Camilla wild!"
Strasser: His Indian name is Chief Sleeps With Bulldog.
Weinhold: "All this could've been mine." |
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